Trollin' Out

What's below has been sitting in my drafts folder for three weeks. I thought maybe if I didn't post it, it would all go away. Of course, that awful logic failed. So here it is world.
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Yep. back at the blog for a little more self reflection. As the year is winding down (and I'm slowly reverting back to acting like I'm 17 in hopes that it will give me a chance to do college again...) I've been thinking alot about the future- duh- and what things I'm leaving behind.

basically, this is a week of good byes.

It hurts, it's hard, it's scary- I'm really bad at it. I want nothing more than to act like life will always been like this- dinner in the caf, friends just around the corner and a community of believers who make me feel at home. I've defined myself in this place for the past four years, I'm not sure how to shape a new identity for myself away from Trinity.

...in short, I really, really, REALLY, don't feel ready to say good bye.

There's this great idea in Ecuador. Ecuadorians rarely use adios to say good bye. Adios literally translates "to God," and so, using it is very final- like you won't see someone again. Friends use ciao with one another, rather than sending their friends to God after every encounter. I like this idea that it's not over..

ciao TCC, adios to papers and tests and visiting hours. : )
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this ciao business really did happen,

...I spoke at our Social Work Senior Celebration about department memories and the collective experience the class of 2012 had within the department.

please note fabulous shoes and my favorite dress in the world.
oh yeah. and my friends. Aren't they cute!?

...Went to Honors convocation and thought I would die in the shoes I was wearing.
...Ate my last picnic dinner on the grassy knoll with KB.
...went to the Baccalaurate Service and heard from some of my  class mates what their Trinity experience was like. I got to 'give some remarks' about Trinity's community.
...then it was Saturday...
& I walked across a stage.
& moved my tassel
& took pictures
& shook hands
& had lunch with my family
& took Calob to the airport.
& cried. like a baby.

... and then I pulled it together to spend a few days at the lake with some of my best buds from TCC. We had a great time, and it was a nice way to cap off four years of the best years of my life.

Basically, none of this crap feels real. I'm writing this from the sunny yellow and blue plaid sectional that takes up half my mothers living room. There is an unruly pile of 'school stuff' sitting in front of the fire place, and I know I have to deal with it today. Only this time, I'm sorting the boxes into real life categories for my real life apartment with a real life lease. Away and onward, I'm just starting the journey.