living with a language barrier

I'm ashamed that I talk like a woman much older than myself.
one woman in particular. we share a lot of DNA and facial features, she happens to be my mother.

It's part shameful, part hilarious. Tonight it leaned heavy on the shame side.

I  work for the Trinity Christian College phonathon. Some say blessing, some say curse; I say pay check. There's the usual evening banter and exchanging of stories and laughs between co-workers; usually fun and innocent. Then there was tonight.

I broke a sacred, Christian college rule... the uninvited swear word [pick your bottom jaw off the ground- you're not shocked.]

We were telling stories.
 I imitated my mother... "Elizabeth Alice Francis... get your ass down here!" As soon as the words tumbled out of my  mouth, it was all eyes on me [yucky. awkward. gross] Someone told me that they don't swear, someone else said it might be offensive. I just said said sorry.
But really? Your parents never swore? Sorry boutcha.

So there's that. The rest of my middle aged adages aren't as offensive; just silly, and sometimes embarrassing.

Take tonight's other social snafu [aware that word's outdated].
I said I had to use the washroom.
Apparently that's passe- people say bathroom!? I'm old, out of the loop and I guess down home, Midwestern!? [I'm from Chicago... yeah, that big city, the one with a few million people. Certainly Midwestern, not quite down home.]. Also, according my good friends over at Merriam-Webster [last name basis, folks], the washroom is alive and well, and an accepted synonym for bathroom. check it out here. 

I've got phrases to describe some of life's most perplexing scenarios [small spaces, fast motions, obesity, the usual.] They make me sound out of place within my millennial generation, and generally a little goofy...

Sometimes,
I'm ashamed that i say, two cats couldn't dance here, when I mean, "wow this space is particularly small."
I'm ashamed that i say, faster than Johnny wrote the note, when I mean, "he moved at a rapid pace."
I'm ashamed that i say, all together, like Brown's cows, when I mean, "my, there is certainly a large number of people here!"
I'm ashamed that i say, as big as Mol Mason, when I mean, "incredibly large"


Mostly, I'm just ashamed that I'm not hip, I'm not accessible... at 21, I seem dated and old. [crap.] It doesn't help that someone told me I looked 24 at lunch today. [that really happened. no, i'm not actually concerned.]


No Shame November is the brainchild of the fabulous Kathleen Leahy [find her here].