Today [about an hour ago to be exact], a friend told me I smelled like pretzels. Mind you, I don't do physical contact, so we certainly weren't hugging - or anything remotely close to that.
I just got into her car, and she told me I smelled like pretzels.
...here' the kicker, I was kind of happy with that on the inside. While I do find that nothing quite satisfies like a Rold Gold Tiny Twist, I was just glad not to be told that I smelled like, "a hot cigarette."
here's where No Shame November comes in,
i'm really embarrassed and ashamed that I smoke.
i am well aware that it will kill me. Lung cancer took both my grandmothers from me, and smoking has begun to force my father's soul into a much older man's body. I want that to be clear. I'm not looking for sympathy or encouragement. Only a little honesty.
In that spirit of shame-shirking honesty- I enjoy smoking. I find that it relaxes, provides convenient social pauses in my day and generally pairs well with the black coffee I guzzle down daily [obviously i'm the picture of health]. On top of the enjoyment, there's this creative and social piece that seems to only be present with a cigarette in hand. I get my best thinking done while enjoying a cigarette, hell- most of these blog topics come straight from thoughts I have during a smoke break.
And socially, it just works. Smoking brings people together. The same can be said of binge drinking, I'll let you draw your own comparisons.
Oh, and did I mention that I'm addicted? Yep, I smoke because I just can't say no to Phillip Morris and that too-damn-good of a product he's created.
so there's that.
I'm ashamed that I smoke..
I'm ashamed that I smell like a big 'ole ash try sometimes.
I'm ashamed that I sometimes ask my friends to, "wait a minute two," while I go smoke.
I'm ashamed that, sometimes, I structure my day around when I'm able to smoke.
I'm ashamed that I struggle to enjoy quality coffee or beer without a cigarette.
I'm ashamed that I'm spending just about $15 dollars a week [sometimes more] on cigarettes [for the uninitiated, that's two packs a week.]
I'm ashamed that I engage in a cultural taboo that to some, discounts my Jesus street cred.
worst. entry. ever.
I don't think your Jesus street cred is tarnished in any way by your smoking. Just putting that out there.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to be healthier, go ahead and cut back/take measures to stop. But honestly, I'm really glad you said all those good things about smoking - especially the social connections and relaxing breaks in the midst of busy days.
I think I should start planning my days around when I can take five minutes to just sit in one place to BE. And think. And if you do those five minutes with a cig in your hand, then, HEY, it is what it is.
Ugh, I just saw this. LB I totally get what you mean. I actually had a conversation with a friend about how she felt ashamed to tell people who went on our mission trip that she smoked because she was pretty sure they'd hate her for it. I was a little disturbed that she would think that, but then I was like no, I'm more disgusted that some people actually WOULD think that (shoutout to all the people at Trin who used to frown when they saw the smoke shack people)
ReplyDeleteAnd I mean, I'm all about not doing things that make people struggle with their relationship with Jesus (shout out now to Paul) but I just honestly don't get how people made the connection of smoker=non believer. someone 'splain this one to me, por favor
OH girls. both of you really have some good insight here.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird. maybe its a christian culture anomaly but i'm glad i'm not alone in thinking that smoke now and then doesn't make me a sweaty heathen. Thank you for your support and continued readership, ladies!