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but that's not what this post is about.
this is a scary, deep, dark secret kind of post. [as deep and as dark as I get on the internet. draw your own conclusions.]
i'm really ashamed that, sometimes, I feel like a total phony in the following Jesus department.
real life ejemplo: my assignment for tomorrow's Spanish 302 class is to create a presentation about sharing my faith with someone from a Spanish speaking culture. I anchor my life on this stuff, and my Spanish isn't bad. This shouldn't be hard.
so wrong.
I hemmed, I hawed. I googled, I youtubed. [i took a "break" on pinterest too, damnit.] I wasn't coming up with anything. The idea of summing up the gospel in a 3-4 minute presentation seemed near impossible, and not because I had a lot of deep, theological things to say; but because I had nothing to say. I didn't know where to start.
Woah. Woah. pump the brakes.
I'm a senior at a Christian college who claims she's trying to follow this Jesus guy with everything she's got. Seems like I turned the GPS off or something, I can't give good directions. Am I supposed to hammer my audience with Bible verses? Do I bring a tract? Do I cry? Do I laugh? Do I bribe them!? [this is nothing like a GPS. all i want to hear is bear left- and the Brittish setting on the Garmin.]
I've had the faith conversation a million times with most of my close friends. Everyone knows where I stand, and each of them know that this big, powerful, loving God loves them too. I've been forthcoming with anyone in crisis that my go to solution to any problem is earnest prayer. I couldn't do this assignment because it felt forced, fake and phony. I didn't know who I was talking to, I didn't know what they were experiencing in their life at that moment. I tell my good friends "don't freak out, i'm just going to pray for you before you get out of the car." [true life: i'm creepy] I don't even know if this this weird presentation world has cars!?
I just don't jump into, Jesus talk, or bed with strangers.
Eventually, I did figure it out. I created a windows media player presentation around the idea that Everyone Worships Something. And talked about John 1:14 and Romans 8:2. And even though i feel theologically and bilingually sound on this project, I can't shake the feeling that there's something not right about it.
I'm ashamed.
I'm ashamed that I can't condense the most important thing in my life well enough to articulate it in front of a class.
I'm ashamed that every youtube video I watched for "evangelism" "Spanish evangelism" or "creative evangelism" was total crap. Not just poorly made, but all together bad... condemning, arrogant and unintelligent.
I'm ashamed that Christians get such a bad rap about being judgmental in their attempts at proselytizing.
No Shame November is the brainchild of the fabulous Kathleen Leahy [find her here].
How is it embarrassing that you can't condense the most significant thing in your life into a presentation, LB? Actually, truth be told (and this is probably where I should be ashamed) the whole idea of "presenting" your faith to some rando made me a bit nauseous thinking about it. I mean, maybe I'm naive to think that you can't just present something that is so personal like your faith to a complete stranger. I mean, I'm all about communal faith as well, don't get me wrong (sociology major!) since it has this miraculous power to unite complete strangers cross culturally. And I have done my fair share of talkin' to randos on the street about my faith, but that's mostly because it CAME UP, they either asked or the conversation just happened, not because I was handin' out tracts while sippin on Jesus juice downtown or tryin' to make the opportunity happen (Maybe this makes me a bad Christian, I don't know?)
ReplyDeleteI mean, yes, I go to Honduras and share my faith with little Spanish speaking kids who tend to be a bit nuts. But I don't really think I do the most sharing when I'm in presentation mode, getting a story told about Jesus on a donkey to all the ninos in the village. I think I get more 'told' when I'm lovin' on those same ninos (in a completely appropriate way, random internet people who might read this) and talking to the Hondurans we work with about how they're actually important to me, to the world, and to God.
Cliche, but for real: Actions speak louder than words. But if you have to use words, honest ones are better than the "right" ones.
(I'm past the point of making sense, it's cool)
Love you, LB!
oh melissa. all of what you said made perfect sense! I agree. 100% about the ninos about the conversations, the whole nine. It was just that Profe required that assignment. that's what forced to me wrestle with this conversation.
ReplyDeleteyou my dear, are so wise. we should really get together soon.
Liz, you're amazing, and I feel the exact same way about this, you my dear are definitely not a phony. also, I love pinterest! I'm going to follow you (:
ReplyDeleteps. I heard a little rumor you'll be up on Friday? I sure hope this is true
Agreed. We should. I would love to talk more about this and other topics we generally discuss that are for the SSIC and banned at Trinity. Also, I'd love to hear about this presentation.
ReplyDelete